Finding a good doctor can be difficult.

Finding a good pdoc (psychiatrist) even more so.

Once, while I was in a psych unit, the doctor there told me that my wife “would end up in a nursing home” because she has MS. I cannot tell you how much that upset me – and her! MS is not a death sentence, nor does everyone end up in a wheelchair needing care 24/7.

I saw him once at his office after I got out of the hospital. He really pushed Latuda as an anti-depressant. Let me tell you, I’ve never had one drug give me that many really bothersome side effects. Still, he wanted to keep me on it.

The last straw was when, during that session, he pulled out a sandwich and started eating his lunch. That wouldn’t have been so bad had he said, “I’m so sorry, I’ve been so busy today I haven’t had time to eat. Would you mind if I munched on a sandwich?”

That I could understand. Pulling it out of his desk like that and going to town on it makes me think he does it all the time.

I felt completely disrespected. Besides, he had a God complex. Thought he knew it all. This was three years ago, and we still refer to him as “Dr. Whatshisname.”

THE SIGNS ARE USUALLY THERE

While I was in graduate school, I saw a psychotherapist in private practice. She had this habit of pulling out her emery board and doing her nails while I was there. Part of me actually thinks she was waiting for me to draw a boundary, but I wasn’t able to at that time.

Before I started seeing Dr. Awesome Nelson, my old shrink – although a nice guy and very intelligent – was so disorganized it was pathetic. I saw him for four years, and he could never remember which meds I was on. Every time I saw him, he’d have my folder on his desk (they were a bit behind the times) and have to look through it.

Of course, he only allowed about 10 minutes per patient. No therapy here! There was only time to talk about my meds, not about what was going on in my life, which could have been very relevant and he should have known about.

Then there’s Dr. Khan, my first shrink back in 2001. You know the one – she diagnosed me as Bipolar Type II? That swayed the way every shrink treated me for the next fourteen years.

I would always ask a new doctor if they thought I was Bipolar and they would say something that made sense at the time, so I continued to live with it.

And these are simple scenarios. I was never hit on or anything blatant like that. But I know a good shrink from a bad shrink now. I’ve also learned (thanks, honey) that you need to be your own advocate.

Actually, let me take that a step further. Not only do you need a good shrink, but helpful, friendly staff can make all the difference in the world, too. It’s helpful when you can see that people care and they seem to like their jobs.

Everyone at Dr. Nelson’s clinic is just fantastic. In fact, when I saw him last week, I brought a card for the TMS tech, since we never really got any closure. I asked the receptionist to give it to her. The tech was really nice, and I felt very comfortable with her.

The receptionist is very helpful, extremely kind, and accommodates my schedule as best she can. And the office itself is nice and bright. Not hospital-bright and sterile, but it has warm colors on the walls, comfy chairs, and good lighting.

So don’t just look for a good doctor – look for a healthy environment, too.

THINGS TO CONSIDER WHEN PICKING A NEW PSYCHIATRIST

Rather than give you a list of “good” and “bad” signs to look for, I thought I’d give you some questions to consider when you go see a new health professional (specifically a psychiatrist, but it could be anyone).

1. Are the building and the grounds taken care of? A crappy-looking building does not breed confidence.
2. Are the surroundings comfortable? Chairs? Setup of the waiting area? Does it smell musty? Is there fresh air coming in from somewhere? Are the walls painted black? Is the whole place a throw-back to the 70’s?
3. What does the general atmosphere feel like? Shrink’s offices can be depressing, but they don’t have to be. There’s nothing worse than feeling sicker after you see your doctor.
4. Is the staff friendly and helpful? Is there a lot of turnover? Do they keep the volume of their voices at an appropriate level for this kind of place (so they at least try to maintain confidentiality)?
5. Can you see other patient’s information sitting on the receptionist’s desk? If so, that’s another big red flag for confidentiality.
6. How long is your appointment scheduled for? Ten minutes? Half an hour? There’s a huuuge difference between the two. A ten-minute appointment is hardly more than rushing into the office (because he’s always running behind), asking about side effects (maybe), and refilling your meds. In a thirty-minute session, you have the opportunity to get into things, ask questions, talk about what’s going on and maybe find some answers as to why your Cymbalta isn’t working as well as it should.
7. Do you have confidence and trust in your shrink? Is she smart as a whip? Young enough (at least in spirit) to be up on all the new stuff going on in psychiatry? Or is she stuck in the old mold and averse to change?
8. Are you okay with her bedside manner? Is she kind? Does she treat you with respect? Ask you thoughtful questions? Does she listen?

Just as you would want a heart specialist who’s confident and personable, psychiatrists should also be this way. Makes the journey more enjoyable (or at least, less scary).

FINAL THOUGHTS

There are some horror stories out there about psychiatrists, as there are about any profession. Your job, if you so choose, is to find one that treats you with respect and kindness and actually seems to care.

I have found that a lot of people don’t want to see a shrink for two reasons: 1.) because of the stigma associated with it, and 2.) because they don’t think it will help.

Fortunately, the stigma is decreasing. I’ve even been seeing a commercial for a Bipolar med on TV! And I don’t think most people would bat an eyelash if you told them you were taking medication for depression or anxiety or bipolar or whatever. Most people’s worlds don’t revolve around us. 😉

As for not thinking meds and a shrink can help, I think that falls under learned helplessness. When you believe you’re beyond help, why bother, right?

I’ll tell you why: Because one day, you’ll try something different and you WILL start feeling better. Hell, it doesn’t even have to be psychiatry (but why not give it a try?). Try prayer, meditation, acupuncture, other Eastern medicinal practices, bowling, art, anything! You never know what’s going to help until you try it.

For what it’s worth.

Stay strong and Keep it Real, folks.