Image credit: Michael Dziedzic on unsplash Victim. That’s how I saw myself for three decades, only I didn’t realize it. I was a victim of depression and all the negative thoughts, falsehoods, and forces it entails. It grabbed a hold of me, thrashed me around, and spit me out. It nearly killed me – more than once. I tried to fight it, stuff it, sidestep it, ignore it, deny it, and I constantly tried to work through it. But…
Image credit: Brian Mann on Unsplash I just got home from therapy with Jacqueline, and we did some good talking. In response, I have something a little different to start off today’s post: A pop quiz! Shout out the first thing that comes to your mind: Which comes first – thoughts, feelings, or behaviors? The answer is: All of the above! That’s right, folks. Today’s post is about the never-ending cycle of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. WAS THAT A…
Image credit: Scott Graham I recently read a blog post written by another mental health advocate. She stated that it’s basically impossible to change your thoughts or your feelings. She went on to say that people who think you can change them are just plain wrong. I take offense to that. SPEAK FOR YOURSELF There is a difference between knowing something factually and believing that something is true. I’m big on semantics, so to me, the words we use…
Yoga. Tennis. Playing the piano. Softball. Bowling. Photography. Reading for pleasure. What do these things have in common? They are all things that help me feel better. The bigger question is why do I stop doing them when I know they will brighten my mood and could actually help to delay (or derail) a depressive episode? I know I’m not alone in this, although for the longest time, I thought I was. Why do we stop doing the things that…
Image credit: Priscilla Du Preez It’s hard to talk about what’s bothering you, isn’t it? When my depression first started, around age fourteen, it was bad. Really bad. In fact, I was suicidal. I apparently told my parents how bad I was feeling (I don’t remember doing that), because I soon started seeing a psychologist. But I wasn’t ready to be “in therapy.” I saw it as a failing, an embarrassment, a sign of weakness, so I didn’t say…
Image credit: Isaac Quesada on Unsplash I’ve felt really good for most of the last year and a half now, and for literally the first time in my 52 years, my depression is in remission. That’s a BIG freaking deal! 😊 But that does not mean I’m completely out of the woods, and it certainly doesn’t mean that it can’t come back and take me down at any time. While I’m feeling decent and going about my life, my…
Image credit: Brooke Cagle on Unsplash My therapist recently asked me what happiness means to me. I didn’t have an immediate answer for her. I had to think about it. Naturally, happiness means different things to different people, and the road there varies. Some people think being rich will make them happy. Some believe they will be happy after they find Mr. or Ms. Right and have 2.3 kids, a picket fence, and a dog. While I believe that…
Image credit: Caroline Selfors on Unsplash Not too long ago, I was thinking how hard it is to imagine how horrible I felt most of my life. I figured that was a good sign, being so far removed from it. Maybe I would never feel that way again. But then my girlfriend and I watched a movie called The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Have you seen it? It’s about a boy in ninth grade who gets picked on…
Image credit: George Pagan III on Unsplash I used to think that everything I told myself had to be true, that the stories I told myself (like that I was no good and I was damaged) were factual. When my brain would tell me that I was always going to be depressed – and it told me that constantly – I believed it. And when it told me, “You don’t deserve to be loved; you are not worthy,” I…
Image credit: Glenn Carstens-Peters About a month ago, I was feeling quite depressed. And since my depression had been in remission for a while, I was surprised. Despite knowing from experience that I would eventually feel better and be able to get through my days without feeling that damn hole in my heart, I still felt distraught. Depression makes you feel like it’s never going to get better, that you will always feel that way. It is the nature…
There are many negative terms used to describe someone with a mental illness. Indulge me for a moment: Crazy and the related “Cray-Cray” Weird/Weirdo Nuts/Nutso Stupid Psycho Cracker Jacks (There simply is no limit on derogatory terms) There is also a number of derogatory terms used in place of “psychiatric unit”: Nuthouse Psycho ward Looney bin (Fill in the blank) These are all hurtful words that can damage a person’s psyche, especially if they already suffer from low self-esteem and…
This is my first post in more than two months – sorry about that! I’ve been going through a lot of huge stuff in my personal life that I will explain someday. For now, I’d like to talk about dealing with change. MAKING CHANGES My whole world has changed completely over the last couple of months. I even moved back to my home state of Michigan, which I never thought I’d do. (Not that there’s anything wrong with Michigan; I’ve…
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash I’ve been having thoughts of drinking lately and, inevitably, it became an urge one day last week. I hate it when that happens. So I did what any normal, healthy, recovering alcoholic would do: I called someone who understands. She talked me down and convinced me that I needed to return to my sobriety support group. It’s a pretty big deal that I called her before I went out. In the past, I would go…
I realize it’s only the beginning of February, but I gotta tell you – I’m owning 2019 so far! As if it’s not cool enough having an article published in an online journal, this here blog was named one of the top blogs about depression by the folks at the MyTherapy app last week! (Go to their blog to read the very kind and humbling blurb they wrote about me.) And you know what? It’s getting even better. Way back in 2002,…
I’m not sure how to start this post off, so I’ll just dive right into it. You know that I have trouble with feeling worthy, feeling deserving of people’s attention and time. Don’t ask me why this is because I’m not sure. At this point, I don’t even know if it matters (but I sure am curious). Well, something happened this weekend that, in retrospect, gave me a feeling of worth. Let me explain. VISITORS FROM AFAR Four months ago,…
