Photo by Ryan McGuire What is a safety plan, anyway? A safety plan is a document that lists everything you can think of that will keep you safe from harming yourself or others, or from dipping way down the continuum of depression. I’ve had one for many, many years. I now need to update it because I moved to another state and I need to rebuild my professional support team. Do you have a safety plan? It can be very…
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash I’ve been having thoughts of drinking lately and, inevitably, it became an urge one day last week. I hate it when that happens. So I did what any normal, healthy, recovering alcoholic would do: I called someone who understands. She talked me down and convinced me that I needed to return to my sobriety support group. It’s a pretty big deal that I called her before I went out. In the past, I would go…
I had a revelation last week. When I get depressed, I feel a hole in my heart, an emptiness. And when I feel anxious, I feel tingly – in a bad way – in the same place. But one day last week, I was sitting on the balcony, minding my own business, when I noticed the absence of the hole and the tinglies. I felt “full.” And it was awesome. It was peace, it was serenity, it was contentment –…
We’re going to do something a little different today. Let’s try a little experiment. 🙂 These are some of the words others have used to describe me. Notice if there’s anything these six words have in common: Funny Athlete Smart Compassionate Kind Talented Now here are six words I have often used to describe myself over the years. Do you see a pattern? Worthless Fucked up Incompetent Depressed Inadequate Hopeless Yeah, the difference is pretty glaring, isn’t it? For the…
Sometimes, things whirl around in my head like a tornado and they don’t land anywhere. That’s one reason I like to write – I can get the shit out of my head and onto paper, where I can read it over, ponder it, and decide what to do about it. Otherwise, it all just gets sucked into the black hole that is my brain and never leaves. The fun part of these tornadoes is that they can happen at any…
I haven’t been feeling that hot lately. After doing so well for so long (by my standards, anyway), this is a let-down. This is a dangerous time for me. This is when my depression tells me that it’s “all down from here.” It says, “No one gives a shit.” Mostly, it says, “It doesn’t matter.” That last one is a doozy. Because when nothing matters, nothing matters. That’s when I’m prone to drink or use or stop doing the things…
“One day at a time.” Even if you don’t attend a 12-step group, I bet you’ve heard that saying plenty of times. And it’s true. If you think about it, tomorrow never comes. In the world of physics, it’s impossible. It is always today. “Tomorrow” is really just a concept. Every morning you wake up, it’s today, right? You can’t wake up and it’s somehow yesterday (unless you’re Bill Murray in the classic movie Groundhog Day). It’s always today. So…
Right now, I am very angry. I also feel a lot of guilt and shame about something. I don’t really feel like getting into it, as that only allows me to ruminate and marinate in the negatives more than I’m willing to do. That’s growth right there! Instead, I will use this opportunity to prove to myself that it is possible to do something I don’t really feel like doing, even when my emotions might get in the way. For…
**THIS IS A FOLLOW-UP POST TO MAY 7, 2017** If you read Sunday’s post, “Anxiety, Mindfulness, and Learning to Relax”, you know that I promised to write a follow-up post to let you know how my day ended up. I’m happy to report that I was, indeed, able to relax AND have some fun! Win-win, eh?! SPRING CLEANUP The first order of the day was to participate in our condo complex’s spring cleanup extravaganza. I had been looking forward to…
