Photo credit: Christian Erfurt on Unsplash

 

So, Lisa and I went to a concert last week by a band called Badflower. They’re a heavy alternative rock band, and their performance was awesome! We decided to make an evening out of it – dinner and the show. Sounds good, right?

Well, my anxiety had other plans for me. It was out of hand from the moment we left the house until after we got to the concert. I was shaky, my heart was pounding, and I could just feel the panic welling up inside me.

I was fairly confident I’d be able to keep it from becoming a panic attack, and in the end, I was right. But it threatened to ruin an evening that I’d waited more than a year for.

ANXIETY IS A BITCH

I live with generalized anxiety disorder, or GAD. According to WebMD, GAD “is marked by excessive, exaggerated anxiety and worry about everyday life events for no obvious reason. People with symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder tend to always expect disaster and can’t stop worrying…”

This means that there is no “quick fix” for it after it starts. I mean, if you don’t know the whys of it, it’s hard to know the hows of managing it. You just have to go through it until you get to the other side.

And that can be damn hard.

Lisa and I left home right around 5:00 to first run an errand in a neighboring city, then headed down the road to dinner, and on to the concert, which was held in the beautiful, historic St. Andrew’s Hall twenty minutes away in Detroit.

I had been looking forward to this night for a very long time, and as it grew closer, I was excited about it. But as soon as we left the house, my anxiety kicked in. It was sudden and swift and was not swayed by positive thinking.

Lisa was so sweet. She’s a fixer, so she asked me a few times how she could help, but I couldn’t really give her much of an answer. I know that one of the best things I can do to relieve my anxiety is to pace my breathing, but I was unable to access that knowledge. Lisa had to remind me to do it.

Does that happen to you, too? When you’re in the middle of an anxiety attack, it’s hard to think. About anything. It becomes very difficult to remember what’s in my toolbox.

Once I was in the anxiety – which, again, was a complete surprise – I was unable to think of any way to combat it. This proves to me that being proactive and not getting stuck in the unending cycle of anxiety in the first place is easier than getting out of it once it starts.

BEING PROACTIVE

Many of us know what triggers our anxiety, and that’s a good thing. I should have predicted that it would hit me the night of the concert, but I was trying to be positive and look forward to the whole thing.

I guess that doesn’t always work.

As I get older and, presumably, wiser, I believe more and more in self-fulfilling prophecies. That’s why I try to be proactive about not falling into anxiety (or depression) in the first place.

I’ve been through shitloads of therapy, groups, and whatnot, and now I have many tools in my mental wellness toolbox. But I’m not perfect, and a lot of the time, it’s still hard to even remember that I have them at my disposal.

(Note to self: print out a list of anti-anxiety tools and tape to office wall.)

Fortunately, when I’m not feeling anxious, I can do things like write this post and make that list. I can gather my tools, put them in one easy-to-find place (the wall in my office), and use them on a more regular basis so I can fend off anxiety the moment I feel it in my chest. (That’s where I feel it first. Where do you feel it?)

My list of tools looks like this:

• Pace my breathing so I can slow myself down.
• Close my eyes for a few minutes so I can concentrate on my breathing.
• Accept that I will get anxious at times and know that it is not the end of the world.
• Writing. I rarely journal, per se, but I can be creative in other ways that get my feelings out.
• Distract myself.
• Do something physical (for me, it’s yoga and tennis), especially when I do feel wound up. It gets the extra energy out and serves as a distraction.
• Do something that helps me feel in control, like cleaning the house.

There are certainly other methods of mood management that can be used. Maybe for you, it’s listening to loud music and having a solo dance party (or listening to classical music to soothe yourself); or maybe it’s doing something with your hands, like drawing or doing crossword puzzles or knitting; or maybe it’s getting out into nature.

Whatever it is, make sure it’s not something that is damaging, dangerous, or self-defeating – like punching a wall or yelling at your significant other or driving really fast.

KNOW YOUR ANXIETY TRIGGERS

I may have mentioned a time or two that I have a lot of anxiety around time. I don’t know why; I just do. I get very anxious about having enough time, all the time. Even if Lisa and I decide to go somewhere at a completely arbitrary time and it’s a Sunday afternoon and we have nowhere else to be, I get anxious about leaving “on time.”

I suppose, then, it’s no surprise that I don’t like being spontaneous. 😊

Time is a very tricky trigger to manage. I mean, it’s not like you can EVER get away from it. Time exists all around us, and it’s not going away ever. So, being anxious about it makes life difficult.

Another one of my triggers is driving. I have always loved driving. Maybe it’s because I’m from the Motor City, I don’t know. But as I get older, I get more and more anxious, whether I’m in the driver’s seat or the passenger seat. (For the record, I’m not a bad backseat driver. I try to keep my anxiety to myself!)

When you blend the time thing with the driving/passengering thing, the anxiety can take over my brain. During our dinner before the concert, I was shaking and I was conscious of my heartbeat (which is kind of a weird feeling). I closed my eyes so I could concentrate on slowing my breathing down. That’s a good tool to have, though sometimes the relief only lasts a few moments.

But when you triple the threat and add going to a new place in a congested city to the mix, all bets are off! I may not have been the one driving to the concert, but I was every bit as anxious as I would be before, say, a job interview.

Because I’ve experienced this so many times, though, I knew a lot about this particular kind of anxiety. I knew, for instance, that I should have expected it. I’m not sure why it caught me off guard; it’s not like anxiety is a new thing for me.

I also knew that it would end after we got to our final destination. Honestly, driving has made me very anxious for the last several years, and it was really bad this night. (Probably because I’ve been rear-ended so many times. I’ve had whiplash, a couple concussions, nonstop headaches, and countless trips to body shops as the result.)

And, true to form, I was able to relax and allow my anxiety to melt away once we got inside the concert venue. I headbanged with the rest of the crowd and got lost in the music. A good time was had. 😊

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

I always used to pay more attention to my depression than my anxiety. Depression has been more prominent in my life – or so I thought. It’s only recently that I’ve realized how much anxiety has affected me over the last 40 years.

In fact, I believe that severe anxiety is just as hard to get through as severe depression, for me, anyway. They can both suck the life out of you, and they can both prevent you from functioning.

Anxiety can really hinder you. It can get in the way of having fun, of feeling comfortable in your own skin, of actual living. That’s why knowing your triggers and having a list of things you can do to help is so important.

If you have anxiety, try not to be too afraid of it. Talk to a therapist about it. There are strategies they can share with you to get through it.

Remember – YOU are a Warrior. You can work through your anxiety. You can even defuse it once you learn enough tricks and gather enough tools.

Keep being persistent. You’ve made it this far. You must be doing something right!

As always, thank you for reading. Let’s Keep it Real out there!