Image credit: Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

 

Depression and anxiety ruled my life for 35 years. And although my depression sometimes seemed to come out of the blue, in retrospect, I can see that there were almost always signs.

It’s taken a long time, but I was finally able to figure out that it usually comes on gradually. I have also learned some of the signs to look out for. When they pop up (and they still do occasionally, even though I consider myself in remission), I need to nip them in the bud.

SIGNS THAT DEPRESSION IS COMING ON

Currently, I’m on the watch for somnolence (excessive sleepiness), lack of energy, losing interest in things I enjoy, wanting to sit on the couch like a bump on a log all day, loss of appetite, a feeling of emptiness in my heart, feeling like nothing matters, and declining social invitations for no good reason. This is not an exhaustive list, but these are the most common signs I need to look out for.

For instance, Halloween is coming up soon. Halloween is my favorite holiday, and I typically love decorating for it. But this year, I have little interest in decorating the house.

Why? Because it requires spending a lot of my very limited energy and because it just doesn’t seem important right now. At the same time, I know that if we don’t decorate, I will regret it when the kids come around trick or treating.

Lisa is also way into Halloween. She’s the kind of person who likes to create a theme when decorating. Last year, it was a graveyard and ghosts. This year’s plan is skeletons. She has put a lot of thought into it, which is no surprise – she’s a creative.

So, I’m hoping I will be able to get some of that Halloween spirit through osmosis. Lisa will get us started, and maybe that will inspire me to get out there and help.

And I’ve been spending waaaay too much time on the couch watching tennis. I could be working on my next novel or doing laundry or doing something productive. My therapist constantly reminds me, though, that no one is productive all the time and that I shouldn’t guilt myself when I’m relaxing.

But how do you know if you’re avoiding life by doing nothing or if you’re simply relaxing? I don’t actually know the answer to this – do you have any thoughts?

MY INTERNAL ALARM IS RINGING

Looking back over the signs I listed above, I can see that I am currently experiencing many of them, so I really need to be vigilant right now. I’m going to bring this up to my therapist, Jacqueline.

Of course, one or two of these signs taken independently isn’t a big deal. But when you experience several of them or notice them lingering and getting more serious, you need to pay attention.

Not to mention I experience some Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) during the darker months. The more I can do now, the better prepared I’ll be for that. I also use a “happy lamp” during the winter, which I’ve written about before.

I hadn’t really noticed the multitude of signs I’ve been experiencing until I sat down to write this post. Just another way writing or journaling can help put things in perspective.

So, what now?

An old friend used to say that if nothing changes, nothing changes. If I keep on going like I’m going, I’m sure my depression will hit me full force soon. And Lord knows, I don’t want that. I need to be proactive and change some things before it gets that much harder to rein in.

WHAT TO DO?

My first thought is to see Jacqueline more often. I’ve been seeing her every two weeks for a while now, but maybe I’ll see if I can kick it up to every week for now.

The other thing I’m going to do is use a mood tracker. My favorite one is called Moodscope. I’ve been using it on and off for seven years. It’s not going to fix me, but it makes me more aware and helps me see patterns in my moods. It’s easy to use and does not require logging your moods or your activities. It’s actually quite simple. Do yourself a favor and check it out here.

You’ve seen me write about DBT a lot over the last few years, and I will again here. The tools I learned in DBT have helped me tremendously – maybe more than anything else I’ve learned in 30+ years of therapy. I think it’s time to pull out my DBT book and use the tools at my disposal.

Of course, I will also continue taking my meds as prescribed. God help me if I miss a single dose of Cymbalta – usually within 12 hours, I start getting what I call “the whooshes,” which are moments of ridiculously strong, disorienting dizziness. It’s kind of like being in a whirlwind for a few seconds. They’re very disconcerting and make it hard to do things like, oh, I don’t know, drive or walk.

And I will talk to Lisa. I will tell her what’s going on and ask her to keep an eye on my behaviors. She has a way of pointing things out that is neither nosy, judgmental, nor controlling, and I need that extra set of eyes on me. I don’t always see things even as they’re happening.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Far be it from me to tell you what to do, but it may be a good idea if you make your own list of signs that your depression is threatening to make some serious noise. I’m convinced that we are sometimes the last to know when things are going wrong. I don’t know why that is, other than maybe we’re too close to the action.

But I do know that we need to take our mental health seriously. If you feel yourself getting pulled under, it is not too late to reach out. Look to someone you trust and who will not judge you. Even if you have to talk to a stranger on your county’s mental health crisis line, do it! I’ve done it before, and it ended up saving my life.

What are the signs that your depression is acting up? Do they happen gradually, or do they seem to appear out of the blue? Is there anyone you trust with your thoughts, concerns, and fears?

As always, Warrior, thank you for reading. And thanks for helping me Keep it Real!