45 Things To Do Sober The original title of this piece was “45 Things to do When You’re Broke, Depressed, and Trying to Stay Sober.” But I thought that was a little long. Being broke, depressed, or trying to stay sober are all tough to deal with. Sometimes, you have to white-knuckle it, which really sucks. It’s damn hard. Being all three at once? I don’t wish that on anyone. For this MHM, I thought I’d share with you some…
I’m not going to lie to you. I found myself in a panic a little earlier today because I really, really wanted to drink. My addictive brain was already starting to make plans. Thankfully, I was in my therapist’s office while it started, so we were able to talk about it. She made a couple suggestions and (naturally) encouraged me to not drink. On the way home, though, the thoughts started steamrolling through my brain. The addict mind had engaged….
I have been living with severe depression for 35 years, since I was 14. It has been a massive, exhausting, demanding burden for the vast majority of that time. I’ll spare you the details – for now – but suffice to say that my life has not turned out the way I expected it to. Although I’ve been able to accomplish some goals – marriage, Bachelor’s and Master’s Degrees, a mostly-fulfilling career in social services, a move to California –…
image credit: Wright Angle Marketing Negative thoughts. We all have them, right? But people with depression, anxiety, and addiction issues tend to have them more than the general public. And sometimes, they linger. THE SNOWBALL EFFECT & NEGATIVITY Yesterday started out pretty well. I was in a decent mood and looking forward to a productive day. But then I went to the dentist to get fitted for my permanent dentures, only to find out an hour later that my…
This post is the first of what I’m calling Mental Health Moments. MHMs are designed to be shorter than my usual posts, easy to digest, and maybe a little less serious. 🙂 I hope you find it helpful. MENTAL HEALTH MOMENT no. 1 I take two psych meds, Cymbalta and Abilify, plus Trazodone to help me sleep. I take other meds too, for high cholesterol, low iron, and to keep my Vitamin D3 level even. But I’m not perfect at taking…
I have a lot of theories on life. One of them is, “Nothing is as simple as it looks.” I’ve stood by that statement for at least the last 25 years, since my first job as a substance abuse counselor. The thing is, you don’t know what’s going on in anyone else’s life unless they tell you. But we tend to jump to conclusions and assume things. You know those people you think have all their shit together and that…
**TW: SUICIDAL IDEATION** Suicidal thoughts, or “suicidal ideation”, are not uncommon for the 44 million people in America who have a mental illness. What you may not know, though, is that these thoughts happen along a continuum. That’s right, just because I say I “feel suicidal” doesn’t mean I’m about to make an attempt. Of course, any talk about suicide needs to be taken seriously, because it can escalate to a more serious level. It is always a real…
Please read this with an open mind and try not to jump to any conclusions. There was a shooting at my alma mater, Central Michigan University, last week. A 19-year-old student shot and killed his parents in his dorm room. His dad was a part-time police officer in the Chicago area. His mother worked at American Airlines. His roommate was there at the time and saw the whole thing. The student then ran and spent the day eluding over…
There’s a huge difference between being “alone” and being “lonely”. Merriam-Webster online defines alone as “separated from others” or “exclusive of anyone or anything else.” There are a few other definitions, but these are the ones I’m focusing on today. I can dig that. In fact, I am, without a doubt, an introvert – I prefer to spend much of my time alone. Mostly, it doesn’t bother me. When I’m alone, it’s quiet – and when it’s quiet, I have…
I’ve had several anxiety/panic attacks in the last month or so. I don’t know if they were anxiety or panic, but most have included a sense of abject terror. So I’ll call them panic attacks. This is highly unusual for me. Sure, I have anxiety, and I feel it at some point almost every day. But panic attacks? Those are not the same thing. About 17 years ago, when I lived in California, I had a panic attack problem. Sometimes, they…
Imagine an empty space where your heart is supposed to be, like it’s missing. That’s what depression feels like for me. It doesn’t always start like that; sometimes it’s a gradual (and sometimes unnoticeable) descent into that darkness. When I can feel it like that, though, it means it’s gotten pretty bad. I’ve been having a rough time with this episode. Progress, while definitely being made, has felt slow, and I’m less optimistic than usual. It’s been pretty frustrating. BEING…
image by coolnsmart.com When clinical depression hits you, it changes everything. It changes how and what you think, what you believe, and how you behave. It only makes sense that when you’re going through a depression, your brain tells you depressing things, including flat-out lies. It’s really good at that. Perhaps the biggest lie mine tells me is this: I hate you. THAT’S A PRETTY STRONG WORD, ISN’T IT? Hate is not a word I use often. In fact,…
I hate depression. I hate that I can be having a good day, or even a good week, and then *BAM* – I run into a wall. My wife told me a few days ago that when I’m depressed, I’m “predictably unpredictable.” That’s the same thing I say about my depression. AND THEN, SUDDENLY… I was just listening to a song by Halsey called Alone. I don’t know the words, I just like the music. But that’s how I feel…
My wife and I were watching The Fosters (great show) recently, and one of the characters said something that really struck me: “I think you’re just afraid of being anything other than the poor girl with the sad story.” Isn’t that interesting? There have been times over the years that I’ve thought, “This is who I am. This is what I am – depressed, lonely, and stuck.” But what and who would I be if I was suddenly not depressed…
I have a beef with the insurance industry. According to the Social Security Administration, I’ve been disabled due to my Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) since August 29, 2005. (Yes, I know – that’s a long fucking time.) For those of you not in-the-know, after two years of being on Social Security Disability (aka SSDI, which is NOT the same as SSI), you get to sign up for Medicare (unless you’re covered by a spouse’s policy). You may or may not…
“One day at a time.” Even if you don’t attend a 12-step group, I bet you’ve heard that saying plenty of times. And it’s true. If you think about it, tomorrow never comes. In the world of physics, it’s impossible. It is always today. “Tomorrow” is really just a concept. Every morning you wake up, it’s today, right? You can’t wake up and it’s somehow yesterday (unless you’re Bill Murray in the classic movie Groundhog Day). It’s always today. So…
I hope my last post didn’t scare you away from taking action. That was certainly not my intention! In all honesty, admitting myself to the psych unit has saved my life at least a few times. And they’ve all kept me safe. Part I of this series was just a (very) general overview of the state of psychiatric units. It was meant to be educational, not scary. Yet, I can’t help but feel like I may have gotten a little on…
Whenever I hear someone use the term “psycho ward”, it’s often part of a *joke*. Well, trust me, there’s nothing funny about it. The image I assume people get in their heads is from the book One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey, or the subsequent movie, starring Jack Nicholson and a number of recognizable-but-not-yet-famous actors (including Scatman Crothers, Danny DeVito, and Christopher Lloyd). (Damn that Nurse Ratched! She is EVIL! She’s so good, actress Louise Fletcher won an Oscar for…
