Yoga. Tennis. Playing the piano. Softball. Bowling. Photography. Reading for pleasure. What do these things have in common? They are all things that help me feel better. The bigger question is why do I stop doing them when I know they will brighten my mood and could actually help to delay (or derail) a depressive episode? I know I’m not alone in this, although for the longest time, I thought I was. Why do we stop doing the things that…
Now that I’ve been feeling good for over a year, I’m beginning to comprehend the difference between sadness and depression. Sadness is transitory: it comes, and it goes. Depression, on the other hand, is often a chronic condition. Yes, it can also come and go. But it tends to be stronger – it can be debilitating – and it lasts longer than sadness does. And it can last your whole life. Allow me to share what I’m going through right…
Well, hello there, fellow Warrior! I wanted to let you know that the focus of the Depression Warrior website will be changing ever-so-slightly. I’ve been feeling so much better lately that I changed the tagline to the site from “Fighting the Stigma of Mental Illness and Addiction” to “On Surviving Depression”. I think it sounds more hopeful, maybe even a little positive. It also better reflects what I write about. Now, onto today’s post! FEELING BETTER I was thinking yesterday…
This is my first post in more than two months – sorry about that! I’ve been going through a lot of huge stuff in my personal life that I will explain someday. For now, I’d like to talk about dealing with change. MAKING CHANGES My whole world has changed completely over the last couple of months. I even moved back to my home state of Michigan, which I never thought I’d do. (Not that there’s anything wrong with Michigan; I’ve…
Photo by Alex Lopez on Unsplash Hello, Warrior! 🙂 You know how sometimes you’re in a bad mood or feel depressed or anxious and you have no idea why? Yeah, I don’t feel that way today! In fact, I’m in a really good mood, despite the dark, rainy, thunderous sky. I love it when that happens! I WROTE A BOOK! You may or may not know that I recently had a book published! Sorry for the shameless plug, but I’m going to refer…
Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash As you may know, I started a data entry job a couple of weeks ago. Then we found out that my wife’s brother has terminal cancer. Then I got really sick for several days, and I’ve been in a lot of physical pain because of a nerve problem in my lower-lower back. Isn’t it funny how fast things can change? THIS IS NOT WHERE I THOUGHT I’D BE RIGHT NOW Due to the regular stress and…
Several years ago, I went through about five years of fatigue that, it turned out, had no medical cause. I finally decided it was all about the stress. I made some changes, felt better, and life went on. Well, here I am again. For the last month or so, I have felt that same almost-debilitating level of fatigue, and again I attribute it to stress. WHAT’S GOING ON WITH ME? Oh, all kinds of things! Chief among them? I am…
I’m not sure how to start this post off, so I’ll just dive right into it. You know that I have trouble with feeling worthy, feeling deserving of people’s attention and time. Don’t ask me why this is because I’m not sure. At this point, I don’t even know if it matters (but I sure am curious). Well, something happened this weekend that, in retrospect, gave me a feeling of worth. Let me explain. VISITORS FROM AFAR Four months ago,…
We’re going to do something a little different today. Let’s try a little experiment. 🙂 These are some of the words others have used to describe me. Notice if there’s anything these six words have in common: Funny Athlete Smart Compassionate Kind Talented Now here are six words I have often used to describe myself over the years. Do you see a pattern? Worthless Fucked up Incompetent Depressed Inadequate Hopeless Yeah, the difference is pretty glaring, isn’t it? For the…
Sometimes, things whirl around in my head like a tornado and they don’t land anywhere. That’s one reason I like to write – I can get the shit out of my head and onto paper, where I can read it over, ponder it, and decide what to do about it. Otherwise, it all just gets sucked into the black hole that is my brain and never leaves. The fun part of these tornadoes is that they can happen at any…
image credit: Wright Angle Marketing Negative thoughts. We all have them, right? But people with depression, anxiety, and addiction issues tend to have them more than the general public. And sometimes, they linger. THE SNOWBALL EFFECT & NEGATIVITY Yesterday started out pretty well. I was in a decent mood and looking forward to a productive day. But then I went to the dentist to get fitted for my permanent dentures, only to find out an hour later that my…
“One day at a time.” Even if you don’t attend a 12-step group, I bet you’ve heard that saying plenty of times. And it’s true. If you think about it, tomorrow never comes. In the world of physics, it’s impossible. It is always today. “Tomorrow” is really just a concept. Every morning you wake up, it’s today, right? You can’t wake up and it’s somehow yesterday (unless you’re Bill Murray in the classic movie Groundhog Day). It’s always today. So…
Today, I’m going to share my take on Gratitude with you. So buckle up. 😉 I had a therapy session a few days ago with Kim. Somehow, the topic turned to Self-Compassion (probably because I have none). She said, “I’m totally serious about you developing a self-compassion routine.” To which I replied, “I don’t even know what that would look like,” which, sadly perhaps, is the absolute truth. You may not know this about me, and it may not always…
This week, the rollercoaster of life came to visit me. Five days ago, I found out that my dearest friend, the woman who has helped me the most in my sobriety and in my life, has lung cancer. My heart almost stopped when she told me. This woman (I’ll call her LG) means the world to me. She has stuck with me through relapses, life’s circumstance, poor decisions on my part, and more, and has never, ever judged me for…
If you’ve been following along, you know that I’ve been doing several different things to treat and manage my depression and anxiety lately – TMS, DBT, meeting with my wonderful case manager and therapist regularly, and seeing my rockin’ psychiatrist (pdoc). I’ve been doing so well, I’ve made some changes to all that. After consulting with Dr. Nelson (my pdoc), I decided to stop doing TMS after only ten sessions (a routine course is twenty to thirty sessions). I can…
Right now, I am very angry. I also feel a lot of guilt and shame about something. I don’t really feel like getting into it, as that only allows me to ruminate and marinate in the negatives more than I’m willing to do. That’s growth right there! Instead, I will use this opportunity to prove to myself that it is possible to do something I don’t really feel like doing, even when my emotions might get in the way. For…
I’m a little proud of myself right now. How often do we say that to ourselves? Probably not much. Definitely not enough. I am a recovering alcoholic. I’ve been sober most of the last 29 years. Yes, I’ve had some relapses. Too many to count, in fact. But I didn’t drink today, which is especially awesome, because I really wanted to. MUSIC IS FOR LOVERS About a month ago, I bought two tickets to a concert by a group called…
