Greetings from sunny Florida! You may know that I live in Minnesota, aka The Frozen Tundra. Well, this week, I’m coming to you from my mom and step-dad’s house on the Gulf side of Florida. They moved here from Michigan about 20 years ago and absolutely love it. I, on the other hand, can only take so much humidity. I come down once every couple of years for a break from the daily grind. What am I learning this time…
Happy 2019! 🙂 I don’t make resolutions, do you? Goals and plans change, so we have to be flexible. I figure, why attach myself to processes and outcomes when I know the road to get where I want to be will take multiple detours along the way? After all, we’re supposed to enjoy the journey, right? Don’t get me wrong – planning is good, as are goals and objectives. If you read my last post, you know that I have…
So I had a setback in my treatment last week. Monday evening, most of Tuesday, and all day Wednesday, I was very depressed again. That’s never happened to me during TMS before. In the past, once I start feeling good, I’m good for about six months. It was scary. I thought maybe this time, the TMS wouldn’t work. DEPRESSION BE GONE! Since then, my mood has been steadily improving, though it’s slow going. I’m still extra-sensitive to any kind of…
Depression has a way of creeping into my life when I’m not keeping myself busy. You too? I’ve played with different kinds of routines over recent years, and they do help. But damn, they’re hard to stick with! For some reason that I will never understand, I always seem to quit doing the things that help me feel better. OBSTACLES So I get overwhelmed pretty easily. It hasn’t been happening too much lately, but over the last fifteen years or…
If you’ve been following my journey over the last year, you know that I haven’t been able to work since my ECT treatments in 2005. Well, that’s changed. Four or five weeks ago, I went to a “recruiting fair” (in quotes because there were only 4 people there) for a gig scoring standardized tests. Two weeks ago, they contacted me and offered me (and 79 others) a three-week project. I took it. MY NEW GIG So, I’ve been attempting, half-assedly,…
My wife and I were watching The Fosters (great show) recently, and one of the characters said something that really struck me: “I think you’re just afraid of being anything other than the poor girl with the sad story.” Isn’t that interesting? There have been times over the years that I’ve thought, “This is who I am. This is what I am – depressed, lonely, and stuck.” But what and who would I be if I was suddenly not depressed…
If you’ve been following along, you know that I’ve been doing several different things to treat and manage my depression and anxiety lately – TMS, DBT, meeting with my wonderful case manager and therapist regularly, and seeing my rockin’ psychiatrist (pdoc). I’ve been doing so well, I’ve made some changes to all that. After consulting with Dr. Nelson (my pdoc), I decided to stop doing TMS after only ten sessions (a routine course is twenty to thirty sessions). I can…
I’ve been fairly stable since last fall, after my second round of TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation). But after a more recent bout of bad days, occasional panic, and a bit of suicidal ideation (not anymore, don’t worry!), my psychiatrist, Dr. Nelson, and I decided to start another round of it. Of course, I talked to CeAnne about it, but ultimately, it’s my decision. I take my mental health care seriously; I have to. I pay attention to Dr. Nelson during…
It’s been a long, hard, dangerous road, but here I am. Life isn’t perfect by any means, and I’m not always in a good mood. But I’ve felt a hell of a lot better this last year and a half than I have maybe since I was 14. That was 34 years ago. That’s a long haul. Over the years, I have tried just about everything to feel better. Unfortunately, I have a little asterisk next to my diagnosis that…
