Greetings from sunny Florida! You may know that I live in Minnesota, aka The Frozen Tundra. Well, this week, I’m coming to you from my mom and step-dad’s house on the Gulf side of Florida. They moved here from Michigan about 20 years ago and absolutely love it. I, on the other hand, can only take so much humidity. I come down once every couple of years for a break from the daily grind. What am I learning this time…
Photo by Daniel Monteiro on Unsplash I often think of myself as lazy. This is not at all helpful. Do you do the same thing? I know better; I know I’m not lazy. I have good days and bad days, like everyone else. Some days, I have more energy than others. But I judge myself harshly for not getting “enough” done most days. LAZY V. DEPRESSED For many people with depression, one of our biggest symptoms is low energy. You know, loss…
Happy 2019! 🙂 I don’t make resolutions, do you? Goals and plans change, so we have to be flexible. I figure, why attach myself to processes and outcomes when I know the road to get where I want to be will take multiple detours along the way? After all, we’re supposed to enjoy the journey, right? Don’t get me wrong – planning is good, as are goals and objectives. If you read my last post, you know that I have…
Photo by Charles Deluvio 🇵🇭🇨🇦 on Unsplash Sleep and I have a long, sordid history. If you have depression, you know how important (and messed up) sleep can be. I think it’s ironic that one of the signs of depression is either a lack of sleep or sleeping too much, but there it is. I know that when I don’t get enough sleep, I get really cranky and irritable, I’m more likely to fly off the handle, and I’m more vulnerable to…
So, September is World Suicide Prevention Month. Related hashtags have been all over my Twitter feed this month, especially a few days ago, as it was World Suicide Prevention Day. It’s hard to read a person’s personal experiences with suicidal thoughts and attempts, but it is something we cannot ignore. Ignorance – especially intentional ignorance – leads to neither understanding nor compassion. You know that I’ve struggled with suicidal ideation from time to time, which has resulted in over a…
I woke up at 6:30 this morning, after about seven hours of sleep. An hour later, I realized that I was feeling down. Please do me the favor of letting me explore this with you. WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY? I don’t know. That’s the wonder of mood disorders. I’ve been feeling pretty good lately – I’ve even done my yoga three mornings in a row and plan on doing it again after I write this. I don’t want…
I’m not sure how to start this post off, so I’ll just dive right into it. You know that I have trouble with feeling worthy, feeling deserving of people’s attention and time. Don’t ask me why this is because I’m not sure. At this point, I don’t even know if it matters (but I sure am curious). Well, something happened this weekend that, in retrospect, gave me a feeling of worth. Let me explain. VISITORS FROM AFAR Four months ago,…
I had a revelation last week. When I get depressed, I feel a hole in my heart, an emptiness. And when I feel anxious, I feel tingly – in a bad way – in the same place. But one day last week, I was sitting on the balcony, minding my own business, when I noticed the absence of the hole and the tinglies. I felt “full.” And it was awesome. It was peace, it was serenity, it was contentment –…
Depression has a way of creeping into my life when I’m not keeping myself busy. You too? I’ve played with different kinds of routines over recent years, and they do help. But damn, they’re hard to stick with! For some reason that I will never understand, I always seem to quit doing the things that help me feel better. OBSTACLES So I get overwhelmed pretty easily. It hasn’t been happening too much lately, but over the last fifteen years or…
We’re going to do something a little different today. Let’s try a little experiment. 🙂 These are some of the words others have used to describe me. Notice if there’s anything these six words have in common: Funny Athlete Smart Compassionate Kind Talented Now here are six words I have often used to describe myself over the years. Do you see a pattern? Worthless Fucked up Incompetent Depressed Inadequate Hopeless Yeah, the difference is pretty glaring, isn’t it? For the…
**In honor of my 52nd post, I thought I would change things up a bit. I had intended this to be a funny-in-an-ironic-sort-of-way post, but I guess I’m not in that kind of mood today. Regardless, I hope you enjoy it. Maybe you can relate?** You Know You’re Depressed When… There are literally billions of web pages and you aren’t interested in any of them. Every little thing gets on your last nerve. Sleep comes when (and if) it…
You can’t take care of anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself first. At least, that’s what I believe. For instance, I’ve been sick with pneumonia for the last two and a half weeks, which accounts for the lack of posts lately. It’s hard to even breathe and hold a conversation, much less focus on writing. I went to Urgent Care two weeks ago, where I received prescriptions for a Z-Pack, Prednisone, and cough syrup with codeine. And,…
I’m not sure I know what to write today. A week ago, I was feeling pretty decent. But, for the last four or five days, I’ve felt “down”. That’s what I call it when it’s not just sadness, but it hasn’t met MY criteria for “depression”. And then, today happened. I was okay in the morning; then I had therapy, where I confronted some feelings I’ve been trying to avoid. FYI – avoidance doesn’t work. WHEN IS IT “DEPRESSION”? I…
Some of us are more fragile than others; or at least, we feel that way. Others even treat us that way sometimes. For a long time, I was unable to identify my triggers for depression or wanting to drink or use. And then, someone along my journey suggested I make a “Safety Plan”. What is a Safety Plan? It’s whatever you need it to be. It’s a way to feel like you’re being proactive. It’s a way to give yourself…
I haven’t been feeling that hot lately. After doing so well for so long (by my standards, anyway), this is a let-down. This is a dangerous time for me. This is when my depression tells me that it’s “all down from here.” It says, “No one gives a shit.” Mostly, it says, “It doesn’t matter.” That last one is a doozy. Because when nothing matters, nothing matters. That’s when I’m prone to drink or use or stop doing the things…
image credit: Wright Angle Marketing Negative thoughts. We all have them, right? But people with depression, anxiety, and addiction issues tend to have them more than the general public. And sometimes, they linger. THE SNOWBALL EFFECT & NEGATIVITY Yesterday started out pretty well. I was in a decent mood and looking forward to a productive day. But then I went to the dentist to get fitted for my permanent dentures, only to find out an hour later that my…
I have a lot of theories on life. One of them is, “Nothing is as simple as it looks.” I’ve stood by that statement for at least the last 25 years, since my first job as a substance abuse counselor. The thing is, you don’t know what’s going on in anyone else’s life unless they tell you. But we tend to jump to conclusions and assume things. You know those people you think have all their shit together and that…
**TW: SUICIDAL IDEATION** Suicidal thoughts, or “suicidal ideation”, are not uncommon for the 44 million people in America who have a mental illness. What you may not know, though, is that these thoughts happen along a continuum. That’s right, just because I say I “feel suicidal” doesn’t mean I’m about to make an attempt. Of course, any talk about suicide needs to be taken seriously, because it can escalate to a more serious level. It is always a real…
