Image credit: Caroline Selfors on Unsplash Not too long ago, I was thinking how hard it is to imagine how horrible I felt most of my life. I figured that was a good sign, being so far removed from it. Maybe I would never feel that way again. But then my girlfriend and I watched a movie called The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Have you seen it? It’s about a boy in ninth grade who gets picked on…
Image by Finn on Unsplash I’ve been living with depression since 1984, and believe me, I’ve heard a lot of ignorant comments about mental health issues. One comment stands out the most: “What do YOU have to be depressed about?” I’ve wanted to smack each person who asked me that! If you have a history of depression, you know how much damage a question like that can do. Not only is it painfully ignorant but it’s also rude. It…
Image credit: Gaelle Marcel for Unsplash **TW: SUICIDE** This post talks about suicide. Please do not continue if you think it might be a trigger for you. There are resources listed at the end of this post. Hello, fellow Warrior! Well, it’s taken me more than three years to do it, but I’m finally writing my 100th post! 🙂 That means a lot to me, because my moods tend to dictate what I’m willing/able to do – and I…
Photo by Alexas Fotos It’s a strange time in this world. And honestly, it’s starting to freak me out a little. Depression and anxiety thrive in times of chaos and disarray. People are hoarding essentials like toilet paper, paper towels, bread, meat – even Cap’n Crunch. Much of the U.S. has been either asked or ordered to stay home to slow the spread of the COVID-19 virus. Here in Michigan, we’ve been stuck inside for three weeks, with at least…
This is my first post in more than two months – sorry about that! I’ve been going through a lot of huge stuff in my personal life that I will explain someday. For now, I’d like to talk about dealing with change. MAKING CHANGES My whole world has changed completely over the last couple of months. I even moved back to my home state of Michigan, which I never thought I’d do. (Not that there’s anything wrong with Michigan; I’ve…
Photo by Jordan Whitt on Unsplash When you come out to someone about your depression or anxiety, you may encounter any one of a number of responses. Here are a few examples: They give you a hug. They say, “Really? I had no idea.” They ask if they can help. They say something like, “What do you have to be depressed about?” This post is going to address some of the things you really don’t want to say to someone who has depression,…
Photo by Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash Mental Health Awareness Month is coming to an end, so let’s talk about Stigma. Merriam-Webster defines Stigma as “a mark of shame or discredit.” Now let’s see what the definition of Shame is: “a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety.” Those are pretty heavy definitions, if you ask me. But they describe the experience of so many of us who live with mental illness and/or addiction. LIFE IS NOT FAIR Mental illnesses are,…
May is Mental Health Month in the U.S. It is the time of year mental health agencies, organizations, and individuals across the country fight the stigma surrounding mental illness even harder than they usually do. You are undoubtedly aware that teen suicide (and suicide in general) is a big problem here, with death by suicide being the second-leading cause of death in the U.S. for children ages 10-14 and ages 15-24, behind only unintentional injury. In 2017 alone, more than…
So I had a setback in my treatment last week. Monday evening, most of Tuesday, and all day Wednesday, I was very depressed again. That’s never happened to me during TMS before. In the past, once I start feeling good, I’m good for about six months. It was scary. I thought maybe this time, the TMS wouldn’t work. DEPRESSION BE GONE! Since then, my mood has been steadily improving, though it’s slow going. I’m still extra-sensitive to any kind of…
I woke up at 6:30 this morning, after about seven hours of sleep. An hour later, I realized that I was feeling down. Please do me the favor of letting me explore this with you. WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY? I don’t know. That’s the wonder of mood disorders. I’ve been feeling pretty good lately – I’ve even done my yoga three mornings in a row and plan on doing it again after I write this. I don’t want…
I had a revelation last week. When I get depressed, I feel a hole in my heart, an emptiness. And when I feel anxious, I feel tingly – in a bad way – in the same place. But one day last week, I was sitting on the balcony, minding my own business, when I noticed the absence of the hole and the tinglies. I felt “full.” And it was awesome. It was peace, it was serenity, it was contentment –…
I haven’t been feeling that hot lately. After doing so well for so long (by my standards, anyway), this is a let-down. This is a dangerous time for me. This is when my depression tells me that it’s “all down from here.” It says, “No one gives a shit.” Mostly, it says, “It doesn’t matter.” That last one is a doozy. Because when nothing matters, nothing matters. That’s when I’m prone to drink or use or stop doing the things…
I’ve had several anxiety/panic attacks in the last month or so. I don’t know if they were anxiety or panic, but most have included a sense of abject terror. So I’ll call them panic attacks. This is highly unusual for me. Sure, I have anxiety, and I feel it at some point almost every day. But panic attacks? Those are not the same thing. About 17 years ago, when I lived in California, I had a panic attack problem. Sometimes, they…
This week, the rollercoaster of life came to visit me. Five days ago, I found out that my dearest friend, the woman who has helped me the most in my sobriety and in my life, has lung cancer. My heart almost stopped when she told me. This woman (I’ll call her LG) means the world to me. She has stuck with me through relapses, life’s circumstance, poor decisions on my part, and more, and has never, ever judged me for…
