Photo by Marija Zaric on Unsplash So, I’m going through something interesting right now. On the one hand, I’ve been experiencing mood swings for the last couple of weeks. I’ve recently had a couple of REALLY bad anxious days. Yesterday was one of them. Luckily, I had a therapy appointment in the morning, so I attempted to work through it with Kim; unfortunately, I felt just as lousy when I left as when I got there. It was out of hand. I realize…
Welcome to MHM #8! Mental Health Moments are shorter posts with practical tips, suggestions, and other helpful things. I’m on my fifth psychiatrist since 2004, and I’ve seen many more during my hospitalizations. There are some great men and women in this profession who care about their patients and go above and beyond their duties for our mental health. But there are also some doozies out there that should be avoided at all costs. Picking out a pdoc randomly from…
Photo by Daniel Monteiro on Unsplash I often think of myself as lazy. This is not at all helpful. Do you do the same thing? I know better; I know I’m not lazy. I have good days and bad days, like everyone else. Some days, I have more energy than others. But I judge myself harshly for not getting “enough” done most days. LAZY V. DEPRESSED For many people with depression, one of our biggest symptoms is low energy. You know, loss…
So, I just started week three of TMS today, and I have to say – I feel great! How often do you say that? “I feel great!” If you’re anything like me, it’s not very often. But I’m here to say that it is possible, even if you don’t think so yet. “SIGNIFICANTLY BETTER” I started feeling better after only four sessions; I had number 15 this morning. Last week, I felt pretty good, but today I’m noticing an even…
Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash Hello, fellow Warriors! You might have noticed that I’ve been MIA the last couple weeks. That’s because my old nemesis, depression, has come for a visit and settled right in. In my last post, I said I was feeling better. That was true – I was no longer suicidal and thought I was headed back to feeling “normal” (whatever that is). Alas, it was not to be. I should have known, since I was so down before…
I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t always know what I’m feeling. And, as well-versed as I am with depression in general and my own experiences with it in particular, it can still sometimes sneak up on me. Well, it did. IT’S BAA-AAACK I noticed it four days ago, after my experience at the hospital. The day after, I felt okay for a while, but then I started feeling depressed. It wasn’t terrible, it wasn’t the most depressed…
Photo by Oliver Roos on Unsplash Well. The last 72 hours have been very interesting. If you read my last post, you know that I’ve been exhausted. And that can be a dangerous time for anyone dealing with a mental illness. Even though I write about depression, anxiety, and addiction (as well as life in general), and I sometimes have my shit together, I am not immune to emotional relapses. Nor am I immune to overwhelm, stress, or crises. In the last…
So, September is World Suicide Prevention Month. Related hashtags have been all over my Twitter feed this month, especially a few days ago, as it was World Suicide Prevention Day. It’s hard to read a person’s personal experiences with suicidal thoughts and attempts, but it is something we cannot ignore. Ignorance – especially intentional ignorance – leads to neither understanding nor compassion. You know that I’ve struggled with suicidal ideation from time to time, which has resulted in over a…
**In honor of my 52nd post, I thought I would change things up a bit. I had intended this to be a funny-in-an-ironic-sort-of-way post, but I guess I’m not in that kind of mood today. Regardless, I hope you enjoy it. Maybe you can relate?** You Know You’re Depressed When… There are literally billions of web pages and you aren’t interested in any of them. Every little thing gets on your last nerve. Sleep comes when (and if) it…
**T/W – SUICIDAL THOUGHTS** (T/W = Trigger Warning) Well, it’s been about two weeks now, and I’m still feeling depressed. Actually, it’s getting noticeably worse. My fears that it won’t go away on its own (even after discontinuing the Wellbutrin), I’ll have to quit tutoring, and have to do TMS again are all looming on the horizon. Not to mention all the related issues. I have little interest in doing anything; my ability to focus and concentrate have gone…
Finding a good doctor can be difficult. Finding a good pdoc (psychiatrist) even more so. Once, while I was in a psych unit, the doctor there told me that my wife “would end up in a nursing home” because she has MS. I cannot tell you how much that upset me – and her! MS is not a death sentence, nor does everyone end up in a wheelchair needing care 24/7. I saw him once at his office after I…
I haven’t been feeling that hot lately. After doing so well for so long (by my standards, anyway), this is a let-down. This is a dangerous time for me. This is when my depression tells me that it’s “all down from here.” It says, “No one gives a shit.” Mostly, it says, “It doesn’t matter.” That last one is a doozy. Because when nothing matters, nothing matters. That’s when I’m prone to drink or use or stop doing the things…
I have been living with severe depression for 35 years, since I was 14. It has been a massive, exhausting, demanding burden for the vast majority of that time. I’ll spare you the details – for now – but suffice to say that my life has not turned out the way I expected it to. Although I’ve been able to accomplish some goals – marriage, Bachelor’s and Master’s Degrees, a mostly-fulfilling career in social services, a move to California –…
I have a lot of theories on life. One of them is, “Nothing is as simple as it looks.” I’ve stood by that statement for at least the last 25 years, since my first job as a substance abuse counselor. The thing is, you don’t know what’s going on in anyone else’s life unless they tell you. But we tend to jump to conclusions and assume things. You know those people you think have all their shit together and that…
**TW: SUICIDAL IDEATION** Suicidal thoughts, or “suicidal ideation”, are not uncommon for the 44 million people in America who have a mental illness. What you may not know, though, is that these thoughts happen along a continuum. That’s right, just because I say I “feel suicidal” doesn’t mean I’m about to make an attempt. Of course, any talk about suicide needs to be taken seriously, because it can escalate to a more serious level. It is always a real…
I hate depression. I hate that I can be having a good day, or even a good week, and then *BAM* – I run into a wall. My wife told me a few days ago that when I’m depressed, I’m “predictably unpredictable.” That’s the same thing I say about my depression. AND THEN, SUDDENLY… I was just listening to a song by Halsey called Alone. I don’t know the words, I just like the music. But that’s how I feel…
I hope my last post didn’t scare you away from taking action. That was certainly not my intention! In all honesty, admitting myself to the psych unit has saved my life at least a few times. And they’ve all kept me safe. Part I of this series was just a (very) general overview of the state of psychiatric units. It was meant to be educational, not scary. Yet, I can’t help but feel like I may have gotten a little on…
