Image credit: Michael Dziedzic on unsplash Victim. That’s how I saw myself for three decades, only I didn’t realize it. I was a victim of depression and all the negative thoughts, falsehoods, and forces it entails. It grabbed a hold of me, thrashed me around, and spit me out. It nearly killed me – more than once. I tried to fight it, stuff it, sidestep it, ignore it, deny it, and I constantly tried to work through it. But…
Yoga. Tennis. Playing the piano. Softball. Bowling. Photography. Reading for pleasure. What do these things have in common? They are all things that help me feel better. The bigger question is why do I stop doing them when I know they will brighten my mood and could actually help to delay (or derail) a depressive episode? I know I’m not alone in this, although for the longest time, I thought I was. Why do we stop doing the things that…
Image credit: George Pagan III on Unsplash I used to think that everything I told myself had to be true, that the stories I told myself (like that I was no good and I was damaged) were factual. When my brain would tell me that I was always going to be depressed – and it told me that constantly – I believed it. And when it told me, “You don’t deserve to be loved; you are not worthy,” I…
Hey, Warrior! Happy Wednesday! 🙂 I was just reading an email from a very wise, emotionally healthy woman, clinical psychologist Dr. Gail Brenner. I have two of her books. One is called The End of Self-Help: Discovering Peace and Happiness Right at the Heart of Your Messy, Scary, Brilliant Life, which I haven’t finished yet, but has helped change my outlook on things. Her newest book (2018) is called Suffering is Optional: A Spiritual Guide to Freedom from Self-Judgment and…
We’re going to do something a little different today. Let’s try a little experiment. 🙂 These are some of the words others have used to describe me. Notice if there’s anything these six words have in common: Funny Athlete Smart Compassionate Kind Talented Now here are six words I have often used to describe myself over the years. Do you see a pattern? Worthless Fucked up Incompetent Depressed Inadequate Hopeless Yeah, the difference is pretty glaring, isn’t it? For the…
image by coolnsmart.com When clinical depression hits you, it changes everything. It changes how and what you think, what you believe, and how you behave. It only makes sense that when you’re going through a depression, your brain tells you depressing things, including flat-out lies. It’s really good at that. Perhaps the biggest lie mine tells me is this: I hate you. THAT’S A PRETTY STRONG WORD, ISN’T IT? Hate is not a word I use often. In fact,…
My wife and I were watching The Fosters (great show) recently, and one of the characters said something that really struck me: “I think you’re just afraid of being anything other than the poor girl with the sad story.” Isn’t that interesting? There have been times over the years that I’ve thought, “This is who I am. This is what I am – depressed, lonely, and stuck.” But what and who would I be if I was suddenly not depressed…
Today, I’m going to share my take on Gratitude with you. So buckle up. 😉 I had a therapy session a few days ago with Kim. Somehow, the topic turned to Self-Compassion (probably because I have none). She said, “I’m totally serious about you developing a self-compassion routine.” To which I replied, “I don’t even know what that would look like,” which, sadly perhaps, is the absolute truth. You may not know this about me, and it may not always…
Right now, I am very angry. I also feel a lot of guilt and shame about something. I don’t really feel like getting into it, as that only allows me to ruminate and marinate in the negatives more than I’m willing to do. That’s growth right there! Instead, I will use this opportunity to prove to myself that it is possible to do something I don’t really feel like doing, even when my emotions might get in the way. For…
