Teen Suicide – A Very Special Guest Post **T/W**
May is Mental Health Month in the U.S. It is the time of year mental health agencies, organizations, and individuals across the country fight the stigma surrounding mental illness even harder than they usually do.
You are undoubtedly aware that teen suicide (and suicide in general) is a big problem here, with death by suicide being the second-leading cause of death in the U.S. for children ages 10-14 and ages 15-24, behind only unintentional injury. In 2017 alone, more than 47,000 Americans took their own lives, almost 7,000 of whom were teens.
Today on Depression Warrior, we have a very special article written by a very special young woman named Ashlyn Reid. Ashlyn’s 14-year-old brother, Ryan Reid, died by suicide a little over a year ago. The photo above is of the Reid family on a recent trip. Everything looks kosher on the outside, right? Well, Ashlyn’s story relates how not everything was fine, with a generous and unfortunate dose of “survivor guilt“.
What follows is her story.
The Mission to End Teen Suicide by 2030: By Ashlyn Reid
We can spend every waking moment with a loved one and still not know a single thing about them. The truth of the matter is that the face we present to the world may not always be authentic. Laughs are easy to force and smiles don’t need a cause. They are effective at masking the emptiness that is felt inside, and Ryan Reid mastered the art of expressing that false happiness.
My little brother, Ryan, took his own life in March 2018, a week after we celebrated his 14th birthday. I was only 18 at the time, living alone in my apartment an hour away from my home when I received a text from him. The time marked 11:04 and next to it was 100 words of how I did him wrong, how I helped him, and how much he loves me. The last word, making it 101 words and the last thing he will ever say to me, was “goodbye.” A text was sent out that night to everyone who impacted his life. This included a few of his close friends, his parents, his two brothers, and me.
No one tells you how to react, there is no guide on how to recover, and I definitely can’t just Google “10 steps to get over my brother’s suicide.” Because honestly, there is no correct answer. I am alone on the path of grief, taking the wrong turn, again and again, making me feel as if my thoughts are running in circles. The path is a jumble of emotions I’ve never felt before. One moment I am screaming at the top of my lungs ‘till I have no voice left about how much I hate him. The next I am punching the roof of my car, leaving dents unfixed to remind me of all the times I had done him wrong.
My anxiety is always there, creeping out to stop my breath and make it harder and harder to move. Those who attempt to direct me through this path only leave their voices of unneeded sympathy and advice echoing in my ears. I hear the sound of sadness exiting from person to person with the added “you know it’s not your fault, right?” These statements and emotions only create speed bumps, slowing me down from ever healing. This is because, in my mind, it was my fault.
My wandering mind can’t help but blame myself. Truth is there is more I could have done, more I could have noticed, and more I could’ve said. I was selfish. I was so focused on myself that he didn’t get a chance to speak. Not that he wanted to, though. Ryan’s problems were his, and no one else’s. He never shared the dark space he lived in. He did a good job, but not the best, at hiding his pain through the smile that he wore. Looking back, there were cracks in that smile, leaving room for his depression to spill out little by little, but too little for me to really notice.
I am taken back a few steps every time a kid with similar features as Ryan crosses my path. The characteristics of Ryan that I see in the younger generation scream at me, increasing my anxiety to an all-time high. I start to panic. My arms feel numb, I am dizzy, and there is a sharp pain growing inside my heart. I want to yell at the parent who stands beside them, “YOUR CHILD IS DEPRESSED!” The voice cries in my head “THEIR ANXIETY WILL PREVENT THEM FROM EVER TELLING YOU, SO DO SOMETHING!” With no reason to believe so, I automatically assume that they will kill themselves too.
These thoughts occur day after day, filling my mind with roadblocks preventing me from reaching the end of grief. I don’t know when or if I will ever get over my brothers’ suicide but I do know that the experiences I’ve had and the knowledge I can gain will help save many. Ryan took his own life, and the alarming fact is he isn’t going to be the last one to do so. Until we understand the root of mental illness and how to address it, those affected will continue to rise, leaving more families devastated, like mine is. Realizing this, my father, Jason Reid, took a stand and released a TEDx Talk, called “The Most Important Conversation You Will Have With Your Kids,” to inform other parents and families about this rising issue.
My father also created a platform, www.ChooseLife.org. At ChooseLife.org, it is our mission to end teen suicide by 2030. This goal, as far-fetched as it might sound, is necessary. We can sit back and be naïve or take action through bold statements to put an end to teen suicide. ChooseLife.org is shooting far with our goal to make drastic changes to better educate kids, teens, parents, and schools on mental illness. Suicide is a chronic epidemic that we see as a disease, killing thousands of teens each year. We don’t have all the answers, but we believe the first step is to treat this as we would treat any other life-threatening disease. So, the question now is, will you be a part of this movement to end teen suicide?
Thank you for reading Ashlyn’s story. I hope you also clicked on the link for her father, Jason’s, TEDx Talk. It’s very powerful. And please go to the Reid family’s organization, ChooseLife.org, to learn how you can be part of the solution to the epidemic of teen suicide.
I will be back in a few days with some additional information and resources for you. Until then, tell your loved ones how precious they are to you, give them a hug, and ask them how they’re doing – how they’re really doing. You just never know.
Keep it Real, folks, and let’s take care of each other.
**If you feel like you may be a danger to yourself, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or go to Lifeline Chat to chat with a counselor online.**
2 thoughts on “Teen Suicide – A Very Special Guest Post **T/W**”
Ashlyn I just watched ‘Tell My Story’ before I read your heartfelt article. Losing someone to suicide is tragic. Thanks to you and your family more people are better equipped to know what questions to ask young people, how to look for signs that might have otherwise been missed and how to keep a conversation open with someone who seems to be in a dark place even when they don’t want to talk. I hope you, your Dad, your Mom and your brothers Kyle and Derek have found a measure of peace through all this.
Thank you so much for your response to Ashlyn’s post. It’s good to know that her story resonates with people. <3