Image credit: Valentin Petkov on Unsplash

 

The holidays are upon us once again! And whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, or any other holiday, you might be feeling a little extra stress.

How am I going to make it? you may be asking yourself. To that, I say that you’ve survived every previous holiday, and you’ll survive this one, too.

THE STRESS OF THE HOLIDAY SEASON

There are a few extra variables involved when we celebrate the holidays. Among these are the expectation of buying gifts for loved ones (and being able to afford it), more constraints on your time, a rush-rush-rush mentality (which is really there all year), the complex logistics of travel, and the pressure many of us feel when we are with our families.

I consider myself lucky – my family is wonderful. Not only do we love each other, we also like each other. I can’t think of even one time when there was a feud in my family and there are no drama queens to worry about. I’m very grateful for that.

But I know many of us are not that fortunate.

There is so much pressure involved with the holidays, it can be overwhelming. Even if you find every day overwhelming, it can be even more so this time of year. And that can make it a really sucky time.

Many people, including myself (until I did my research for this post), believe that suicide rates rise during the holidays, which can make us feel more fragile than usual. But the research does not bear this out.

According to an article in Medical Xpress, December has had the lowest monthly suicide rates in the U.S. for at least two decades. This is very important information! If you suffer from depression and you believe the myth that December is the time when we are most vulnerable, you may feel – what are the words? – less safe.

Many people experience the “winter blues,” also known as SAD – Seasonal Affective Disorder, so it seems to make sense that suicide rates would increase during the winter months. But the fact is, the months of November and January have the second- and third-lowest rates of suicide, right behind December.

So, if you do suffer from SAD/the winter blues, don’t be discouraged. First of all, you have a perfect track record of making it through 100% of the holidays since you were born. Second, there are ways to combat SAD, which you can read about here. And third, there is no correlation between the holidays and increased suicide rates.

Unfortunately, the Medical Xpress article points out, many news outlets (typically in smaller markets) falsely perpetuate the myth. This misinformation can be dangerous, and no news outlet should print such a statement without doing its due diligence (which would lead them to bust the myth). It gives the general public – including the people in our families – a tainted idea about how we, as people with depression, might feel.

HOW TO SURVIVE YOUR FAMILY

Speaking of families, do you see yours during the holidays? Lisa and I are going to her mom’s the Saturday before Christmas to celebrate, then we’re going to my brother’s house on Christmas Day. The rest of my family is spread out up and down the East Coast, so I won’t get to see them. ☹

I used to feel very uncomfortable around my family, even though I loved them. I was extremely insecure, emotionally stunted, and I kept comparing myself to them. All that did was solidify in my mind how inadequate I was.

I’d love to say that I outgrew those unhealthy (and false) beliefs once I reached adulthood, but the truth is, it’s only been the last few years that I’ve felt so comfortable around my family. If you know my story, you know it’s a long one, but since I started receiving TMS treatments, went through DBT, and made some huge life changes two years ago, I feel good most of the time now.

This has all culminated in less comparing myself to others, better acceptance of my circumstances, and more confidence in myself – something I never thought I would have. And it’s much easier to be around people when you feel good about yourself.

“Normal” people don’t get that, but we know it’s true.

If you have trouble around your family, for whatever reason, I have a few suggestions to make the holidays (or any time) a little easier.

1. Distract yourself. When I feel stressed, I find that distraction usually helps. Maybe only for five minutes, but that’s better than nothing. If I keep doing little things here and there that I can focus on, I know I will make it through the day.
2. Schedule some alone time. Many of us are introverts and may feel overstimulated this time of year. We may need extra quiet time to slow our brains down. The sheer busyness of the holidays still drives me crazy, so I make sure to have plenty of downtime so I can recharge.
3. Spend some time with friends. Let’s face it: some of our families suck. They don’t even try to understand us, and they can hardly be bothered to care about us. The best families are the ones we choose, right? Make sure you spend time with the ones you love during the holidays, whether that’s family, friends, or both.
4. Volunteer somewhere. Nonprofits and other charitable organizations need volunteers throughout the year, and many of them are gearing up for a busy holiday season. Find a group whose values speak to you and volunteer to help. Who knows? Maybe you’ll become a regular. (Think about it. That would give you a reason to get out of the house on a regular basis as well as a way [and a reason] to get out of your head for a while.)
5. Find a “Giving Tree” where they hang a family’s wishlist and buy a gift or two for them. Whether it’s pots and pans or a child’s toy they need, it will help you feel good about yourself, and it will allow you to focus on someone else rather than obsessing about the depressive thoughts swirling around in your head.
6. Pay it forward. Getting a peppermint mocha from Starbuck’s? Buy the next person’s drink. Running to McDonald’s for a quick bite while you’re doing your shopping? Pick up the tab for the woman behind you. Trust me, they’ll feel like they won the lottery! Making someone’s day not only makes them feel better, but it will also make you feel better, too.
7. Make homemade gifts for your loved ones. If you tailor them to each person, they will appreciate the time, effort, and thought you put into it. Or shop on a site like Etsy or Amazon Handmade (did you know that even existed? Neither did I!) and get them something personalized.

Any of these things will help you feel better, and who doesn’t want that? I mean, the holidays are stressful enough, right? Let’s do what we can to help ourselves get through them relatively unscathed.

WRAPPING IT UP (Get it? A little Christmas humor!)

It’s easy to feel more depressed than usual during the holidays. SAD, the media, even our loved ones can make it harder than it needs to be.

Let’s survive the holidays together! Be there for yourself and others you know who may have a difficult time emotionally this time of year. Spend some time with them, distract yourself, make sure you get enough time to yourself, or volunteer somewhere.

Above all else, perhaps, is this little tidbit: Stop comparing yourself to others!

We are all unique. We have different experiences, different problems, and our circumstances are different. When we compare ourselves to those around us, it’s just too easy to think, “Yeah, they’ve got it made. Their life is easy. I must really suck.”

How do you know? Life is complicated and messy. We all have our own shit to deal with; we are all fighting battles. Comparing yourself to someone else is like comparing apples to oranges. And it will make you feel “less than.”

Give yourself a break this holiday season. Be nice to yourself. You deserve it, Warrior.

As always, thanks for reading. If I don’t see you again in the next two weeks, have a great holiday!