I’ve started this post so many times, I can’t count them all, lol. I feel the need to talk about a science-based theory called neuroplasticity, and even though it’s a simple concept, it’s hard to explain. I will try my best. If you’ve been reading the Keepin’ it Real blog for any amount of time, you know I suffered greatly from major depressive disorder (MDD) for more than 30 years. I was suicidal much of that time and endured a…
Image credit: Michael Dziedzic on unsplash Victim. That’s how I saw myself for three decades, only I didn’t realize it. I was a victim of depression and all the negative thoughts, falsehoods, and forces it entails. It grabbed a hold of me, thrashed me around, and spit me out. It nearly killed me – more than once. I tried to fight it, stuff it, sidestep it, ignore it, deny it, and I constantly tried to work through it. But…
Image credit: Brian Mann on Unsplash I just got home from therapy with Jacqueline, and we did some good talking. In response, I have something a little different to start off today’s post: A pop quiz! Shout out the first thing that comes to your mind: Which comes first – thoughts, feelings, or behaviors? The answer is: All of the above! That’s right, folks. Today’s post is about the never-ending cycle of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. WAS THAT A…
Do you know the difference between a therapist and a psychiatrist? Many people don’t; they think these terms are interchangeable. A therapist can be a psychologist (someone with a PhD), a licensed social worker, a licensed marriage and family therapist, or a few others. (NOTE: Many insurance companies will only pay for therapy from people with certain degrees or licensure and sometimes put a limit on the number of sessions you can attend each year. Make sure to check before…
Image credit: Hello, I’m Nik on Unsplash DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) is a treatment for depression which has been paramount in changing my attitude as well as the stories I tell myself. It has made a big difference in my life. It occurred to me recently, though, that I’ve never written a post about it; I’ve just poked and prodded at it. That’s been a big oversight on my part, and it changes now. As one of only two…
**TW: SUICIDAL IDEATION** This post is full of Hope. But it is also about surviving depression and suicidal thoughts; thus, the trigger warning. If you are feeling sensitive to such things right now, don’t read it. You can always skip it or come back to it later, when you’re feeling stronger. Image credit: Sydney Sims I’ve started this blog post four times and, dammit, this one is going to stick! LOL The first version was about Seasonal Affective…
Image credit: Glenn Carstens-Peters About a month ago, I was feeling quite depressed. And since my depression had been in remission for a while, I was surprised. Despite knowing from experience that I would eventually feel better and be able to get through my days without feeling that damn hole in my heart, I still felt distraught. Depression makes you feel like it’s never going to get better, that you will always feel that way. It is the nature…
They say that hindsight is 20/20, right? That’s good, because I totally blanked on Suicide Prevention Awareness Week (Sept. 8-14) and World Suicide Prevention Awareness Day (Sept. 10) this year. At least I didn’t miss the entire Suicide Prevention Awareness Month! In hindsight, I realize that I need to be a little more organized when it comes to these things. I haven’t been on the Twitter machine much lately, so I didn’t see the hashtags that are associated with these…
Happy 2019! 🙂 I don’t make resolutions, do you? Goals and plans change, so we have to be flexible. I figure, why attach myself to processes and outcomes when I know the road to get where I want to be will take multiple detours along the way? After all, we’re supposed to enjoy the journey, right? Don’t get me wrong – planning is good, as are goals and objectives. If you read my last post, you know that I have…
I was feeling substantially depressed yesterday. Often, when I feel this way, I have no idea why. But this time, there were two culprits: One is that I started on a (very) small dose of Wellbutrin last week to try and curb the sexual side effects that seem to be inherent in anti-depressants, and the other is because I hurt my wife’s feelings late the night before. I was so miserable when I woke up, I canceled two appointments and…
I’m not sure I know what to write today. A week ago, I was feeling pretty decent. But, for the last four or five days, I’ve felt “down”. That’s what I call it when it’s not just sadness, but it hasn’t met MY criteria for “depression”. And then, today happened. I was okay in the morning; then I had therapy, where I confronted some feelings I’ve been trying to avoid. FYI – avoidance doesn’t work. WHEN IS IT “DEPRESSION”? I…
image credit: Wright Angle Marketing Negative thoughts. We all have them, right? But people with depression, anxiety, and addiction issues tend to have them more than the general public. And sometimes, they linger. THE SNOWBALL EFFECT & NEGATIVITY Yesterday started out pretty well. I was in a decent mood and looking forward to a productive day. But then I went to the dentist to get fitted for my permanent dentures, only to find out an hour later that my…
I have a lot of theories on life. One of them is, “Nothing is as simple as it looks.” I’ve stood by that statement for at least the last 25 years, since my first job as a substance abuse counselor. The thing is, you don’t know what’s going on in anyone else’s life unless they tell you. But we tend to jump to conclusions and assume things. You know those people you think have all their shit together and that…
Imagine an empty space where your heart is supposed to be, like it’s missing. That’s what depression feels like for me. It doesn’t always start like that; sometimes it’s a gradual (and sometimes unnoticeable) descent into that darkness. When I can feel it like that, though, it means it’s gotten pretty bad. I’ve been having a rough time with this episode. Progress, while definitely being made, has felt slow, and I’m less optimistic than usual. It’s been pretty frustrating. BEING…
**Personal Note: Though I have been diagnosed with three different mental health conditions, I usually speak mostly of depression, as that is the one I have the most experience with and have done the most personal research on. But much of what I share (in any post) can apply to other mental health diagnoses.** One of the most profound – and helpful – things I occasionally remember learning from my DBT class is that thoughts cannot hurt you. Say what?…
Right now, I am very angry. I also feel a lot of guilt and shame about something. I don’t really feel like getting into it, as that only allows me to ruminate and marinate in the negatives more than I’m willing to do. That’s growth right there! Instead, I will use this opportunity to prove to myself that it is possible to do something I don’t really feel like doing, even when my emotions might get in the way. For…
Sometimes I think my brain is out to kill me. It tells me things like: “You don’t matter” “You suck!” “Go ahead and drink, no one will know – or care.” “You’re always going to feel like this.” In other words, it defies logic. My brain has a mind of its own, and it doesn’t always make sense. Maybe more than most. But because I’m in DBT right now, and because my depression has lifted quite a bit since last…
So I started with a new therapist last week. That’s always fun. After being in and out of therapy for the last thirty years or so, I know that shit happens. After all, therapists are people, too – they move, they get better jobs, they burn out, they retire, they suck, etc. Let’s just say I’ve been through my share of them. Up until a couple weeks ago, I was seeing a therapist named Christina. We had built up a…
