Image credit: Michael Dziedzic on unsplash Victim. That’s how I saw myself for three decades, only I didn’t realize it. I was a victim of depression and all the negative thoughts, falsehoods, and forces it entails. It grabbed a hold of me, thrashed me around, and spit me out. It nearly killed me – more than once. I tried to fight it, stuff it, sidestep it, ignore it, deny it, and I constantly tried to work through it. But…
Image credit: Scott Graham I recently read a blog post written by another mental health advocate. She stated that it’s basically impossible to change your thoughts or your feelings. She went on to say that people who think you can change them are just plain wrong. I take offense to that. SPEAK FOR YOURSELF There is a difference between knowing something factually and believing that something is true. I’m big on semantics, so to me, the words we use…
Now that I’ve been feeling good for over a year, I’m beginning to comprehend the difference between sadness and depression. Sadness is transitory: it comes, and it goes. Depression, on the other hand, is often a chronic condition. Yes, it can also come and go. But it tends to be stronger – it can be debilitating – and it lasts longer than sadness does. And it can last your whole life. Allow me to share what I’m going through right…
Image credit: Hello, I’m Nik on Unsplash DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) is a treatment for depression which has been paramount in changing my attitude as well as the stories I tell myself. It has made a big difference in my life. It occurred to me recently, though, that I’ve never written a post about it; I’ve just poked and prodded at it. That’s been a big oversight on my part, and it changes now. As one of only two…
Image credit: Pawel Czerwinski Have you been doing the teletherapy thing? I have, and you know what? I hate it! I know, some people love it and would do it all the time if they could. But it’s not for everyone. I mean, I like my new therapist, but having sessions over the phone or via videoconferencing software is just not for me. MAYBE IT WAS THE TIMING So, I started with my current therapist, Jacqueline, in January of…
There are many negative terms used to describe someone with a mental illness. Indulge me for a moment: Crazy and the related “Cray-Cray” Weird/Weirdo Nuts/Nutso Stupid Psycho Cracker Jacks (There simply is no limit on derogatory terms) There is also a number of derogatory terms used in place of “psychiatric unit”: Nuthouse Psycho ward Looney bin (Fill in the blank) These are all hurtful words that can damage a person’s psyche, especially if they already suffer from low self-esteem and…
This is my first post in more than two months – sorry about that! I’ve been going through a lot of huge stuff in my personal life that I will explain someday. For now, I’d like to talk about dealing with change. MAKING CHANGES My whole world has changed completely over the last couple of months. I even moved back to my home state of Michigan, which I never thought I’d do. (Not that there’s anything wrong with Michigan; I’ve…
Photo by Thomas Willmott on Unsplash I learned something new in therapy a while ago. I don’t recall what we were talking about, but the moral of the story is that feeling comfortable and staying in “the known” isn’t always a good thing. “THE KNOWN” IS COMFORTING As human beings, we are creatures of comfort. We get into our routines and habits and do the same things – day in, day out. And for the most part, this is fine. It gets…
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash I’ve been having thoughts of drinking lately and, inevitably, it became an urge one day last week. I hate it when that happens. So I did what any normal, healthy, recovering alcoholic would do: I called someone who understands. She talked me down and convinced me that I needed to return to my sobriety support group. It’s a pretty big deal that I called her before I went out. In the past, I would go…
Alcoholism and drug addiction do terrible things to a person. But addiction is also a disease that affects family and friends. One of the most important things I’ve learned in recovery is that I can be the person I always wanted to be: thoughtful, responsible, caring, reliable, morally and ethically responsible. In other words, a good role model. I have heard hundreds – thousands – of others say the same thing. All of this actually makes life easier – it…
So, I haven’t written much in the last two months, and I wanted to let you know that I’m okay. Exhaustion has crept back into my daily life, which means that I’m too tired to write (I often go take a nap instead). Hell, sometimes, I’m too tired to feed the cats! (But I do – no cat goes hungry in this household.) Despite some rough patches, 2018 was a pretty decent year. Even Christmas wasn’t too stressful this year,…
I’m not sure how to start this post off, so I’ll just dive right into it. You know that I have trouble with feeling worthy, feeling deserving of people’s attention and time. Don’t ask me why this is because I’m not sure. At this point, I don’t even know if it matters (but I sure am curious). Well, something happened this weekend that, in retrospect, gave me a feeling of worth. Let me explain. VISITORS FROM AFAR Four months ago,…
Depression has a way of creeping into my life when I’m not keeping myself busy. You too? I’ve played with different kinds of routines over recent years, and they do help. But damn, they’re hard to stick with! For some reason that I will never understand, I always seem to quit doing the things that help me feel better. OBSTACLES So I get overwhelmed pretty easily. It hasn’t been happening too much lately, but over the last fifteen years or…
Sometimes, things whirl around in my head like a tornado and they don’t land anywhere. That’s one reason I like to write – I can get the shit out of my head and onto paper, where I can read it over, ponder it, and decide what to do about it. Otherwise, it all just gets sucked into the black hole that is my brain and never leaves. The fun part of these tornadoes is that they can happen at any…
I’m not sure I know what to write today. A week ago, I was feeling pretty decent. But, for the last four or five days, I’ve felt “down”. That’s what I call it when it’s not just sadness, but it hasn’t met MY criteria for “depression”. And then, today happened. I was okay in the morning; then I had therapy, where I confronted some feelings I’ve been trying to avoid. FYI – avoidance doesn’t work. WHEN IS IT “DEPRESSION”? I…
I don’t have a lot of confidence in myself, though most people would never know it. I walk with my head held high, a nonchalant attitude, and like I belong wherever I am. But my swagger betrays my real feelings. I used to pride myself on being very hard to read. I was able to fool most of the people most of the time, therefore eliminating feelings of vulnerability (kind of, but not really). Until the last ten years or…
I haven’t been feeling that hot lately. After doing so well for so long (by my standards, anyway), this is a let-down. This is a dangerous time for me. This is when my depression tells me that it’s “all down from here.” It says, “No one gives a shit.” Mostly, it says, “It doesn’t matter.” That last one is a doozy. Because when nothing matters, nothing matters. That’s when I’m prone to drink or use or stop doing the things…
image by coolnsmart.com When clinical depression hits you, it changes everything. It changes how and what you think, what you believe, and how you behave. It only makes sense that when you’re going through a depression, your brain tells you depressing things, including flat-out lies. It’s really good at that. Perhaps the biggest lie mine tells me is this: I hate you. THAT’S A PRETTY STRONG WORD, ISN’T IT? Hate is not a word I use often. In fact,…
