Image credit: Brian Mann on Unsplash I just got home from therapy with Jacqueline, and we did some good talking. In response, I have something a little different to start off today’s post: A pop quiz! Shout out the first thing that comes to your mind: Which comes first – thoughts, feelings, or behaviors? The answer is: All of the above! That’s right, folks. Today’s post is about the never-ending cycle of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. WAS THAT A…
Yoga. Tennis. Playing the piano. Softball. Bowling. Photography. Reading for pleasure. What do these things have in common? They are all things that help me feel better. The bigger question is why do I stop doing them when I know they will brighten my mood and could actually help to delay (or derail) a depressive episode? I know I’m not alone in this, although for the longest time, I thought I was. Why do we stop doing the things that…
Image credit: Isaac Quesada on Unsplash I’ve felt really good for most of the last year and a half now, and for literally the first time in my 52 years, my depression is in remission. That’s a BIG freaking deal! 😊 But that does not mean I’m completely out of the woods, and it certainly doesn’t mean that it can’t come back and take me down at any time. While I’m feeling decent and going about my life, my…
Image credit: George Pagan III on Unsplash I used to think that everything I told myself had to be true, that the stories I told myself (like that I was no good and I was damaged) were factual. When my brain would tell me that I was always going to be depressed – and it told me that constantly – I believed it. And when it told me, “You don’t deserve to be loved; you are not worthy,” I…
Image credit: Hello, I’m Nik on Unsplash DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) is a treatment for depression which has been paramount in changing my attitude as well as the stories I tell myself. It has made a big difference in my life. It occurred to me recently, though, that I’ve never written a post about it; I’ve just poked and prodded at it. That’s been a big oversight on my part, and it changes now. As one of only two…
Sometimes, things whirl around in my head like a tornado and they don’t land anywhere. That’s one reason I like to write – I can get the shit out of my head and onto paper, where I can read it over, ponder it, and decide what to do about it. Otherwise, it all just gets sucked into the black hole that is my brain and never leaves. The fun part of these tornadoes is that they can happen at any…
I’m not sure I know what to write today. A week ago, I was feeling pretty decent. But, for the last four or five days, I’ve felt “down”. That’s what I call it when it’s not just sadness, but it hasn’t met MY criteria for “depression”. And then, today happened. I was okay in the morning; then I had therapy, where I confronted some feelings I’ve been trying to avoid. FYI – avoidance doesn’t work. WHEN IS IT “DEPRESSION”? I…
I don’t have a lot of confidence in myself, though most people would never know it. I walk with my head held high, a nonchalant attitude, and like I belong wherever I am. But my swagger betrays my real feelings. I used to pride myself on being very hard to read. I was able to fool most of the people most of the time, therefore eliminating feelings of vulnerability (kind of, but not really). Until the last ten years or…
Imagine an empty space where your heart is supposed to be, like it’s missing. That’s what depression feels like for me. It doesn’t always start like that; sometimes it’s a gradual (and sometimes unnoticeable) descent into that darkness. When I can feel it like that, though, it means it’s gotten pretty bad. I’ve been having a rough time with this episode. Progress, while definitely being made, has felt slow, and I’m less optimistic than usual. It’s been pretty frustrating. BEING…
“One day at a time.” Even if you don’t attend a 12-step group, I bet you’ve heard that saying plenty of times. And it’s true. If you think about it, tomorrow never comes. In the world of physics, it’s impossible. It is always today. “Tomorrow” is really just a concept. Every morning you wake up, it’s today, right? You can’t wake up and it’s somehow yesterday (unless you’re Bill Murray in the classic movie Groundhog Day). It’s always today. So…
So I started with a new therapist last week. That’s always fun. After being in and out of therapy for the last thirty years or so, I know that shit happens. After all, therapists are people, too – they move, they get better jobs, they burn out, they retire, they suck, etc. Let’s just say I’ve been through my share of them. Up until a couple weeks ago, I was seeing a therapist named Christina. We had built up a…
**THIS IS A FOLLOW-UP POST TO MAY 7, 2017** If you read Sunday’s post, “Anxiety, Mindfulness, and Learning to Relax”, you know that I promised to write a follow-up post to let you know how my day ended up. I’m happy to report that I was, indeed, able to relax AND have some fun! Win-win, eh?! SPRING CLEANUP The first order of the day was to participate in our condo complex’s spring cleanup extravaganza. I had been looking forward to…
I’m doing something fun today – two things, actually. First, our condo complex is having a little spring cleaning day, and then a good friend and I are going to watch the Minnesota Twins take on the Boston Red Sox. The day will be challenging in many ways, but it’s a pretty big win for me, because I don’t do many “fun” things. And even when I do, I don’t always end up actually having fun. I’m too busy worrying….
